It is maybe a bit cliche that saying myself as a programmer has been a not good title for me for a long time, I hate the stereotype related to it, thick glasses, grid t-shirts, it feels like a prison that restricts me and let my thoughts to fly around the universe.

My initial interaction with computer science was at my grade 10 summer, that was a day that I finished all important exam, struggle about the uncertain things will happen in the future. I open the first python tutorial ever in my life in a Chemistry Lab. I remember the first python program I learn was a simple guess number game, it is simply a basic while loop plus some if-else decision, but that kind of way to construct complexity from simple executable line of plaintext makes open an entire new world, it makes me thrilled.

While knowing many people saying this path is going to be difficult and all the bad things such us laid off, high pressure etc, I still decided to choose Computer Science as my grade 11 course. Perhaps, I simply want to be the me, real me, not a puppet controlled by some kind of invisible rope. I don’t want to restrict myself only into one kind of certain identity, I shall have the opportunity to choose what kind of person I want to be, what kind of knowledge I want to be acquired.

There is a book I read in high school which changed a lot of how I perceive the world, it is named “The courage to be disliked”, which basically talking about we shouldn’t care so much about how others evaluate and think about you. I realize once I know the world is not limited by how other people thinks about me, I feel more free on my personal choice, on whatever things I decided to do.

Learning Economic and Computer Science at the same time was a very unique experience, it feels like you still try to think about the meaning of zero and one, and suddenly, you mind has to switch to the demand and supply, which has totally different thinking mechanism. My Economic teacher back in High School was a monster, every class was feel a suffer, we always try to sit at the place where he is not able to see our screen so we can doing other things.

I remember trying to figure out a python program in Economic class was a true joy, the process that I truly know what exactly each step is doing and the accuracy inside comfort me from the very mysterious Economic universe with strange definition all around. I got a 2 out of 13 mark in my Economic mock Exam, and my teacher was so disappointed. However at the moment he knew I got an A eventually in my actual Exam, he was speechless. To be honest, I do appreciate what Economic brings to me, the insights of observing human behavior, the knowledge of how market is running in the world, they are definitely valuable knowledge I would not learn out from school.

Then, I quit Economic in my grade 12 and decided to fully focus on Computer Science. The process of applying this major was never been easy, a long waiting time plus applicant with very competitive background, and I never consider myself as something so called “Computer Genius”, I suppose that’s for those people who won multiple competition and learn programming in their 8, 10 years old, clearly not me. I envy them while I don’t want to be them. I am a unique human being, so I clearly have something more talent somewhere in my core I believe. After a really long waiting and waiting, I eventually got the offer of Computer Science at late May 2023. I was really happy, this is the very first time I officially step into this field.

While I personally believe the world manifest in different perspectives, happiness, suffering they are just simply our experience. Out of academic, I highly interested in all kinds of activities, nevertheless I pick dynamic weight training(I invented), Tennis and Badminton as my ultimate hobbies. Since Covid, I have been running a lot and this is also something I believe changed my mind, my soul and my body.

I believe every day is my first and very first time to learn something new, to experiencing something different, there is no single definition about who I am, and where I should go as the ultimate philosophy question. I just simply do the best I can, living in the present and embrace all uncertainty could happen.

In the first and very first time, I might become a programmer, even I personally prefer the word Software Engineer.

Jack Su - Written in 2025, Apr